Not goodbye – I’ll see you in the pews
News –

When I started on staff at First Universalist in 2018, I was attending church on Sunday evenings at a little Episcopal Church in St. Paul, where I’d been going for several years, since I was in college. It was a simple service, filled with scripture, Taize chanting, and silence. There was always a homecooked dinner afterward, in the church basement. We’d sign up for a Sunday to cook or help with dishes as we were able, and somehow -how??– there was always enough.
When Covid hit, my small, sweet, reliable Sunday evening Episcopal community dissipated. Now where was I going to worship? Now what community could I rely on, and could rely on me, to be there each week? To direct us toward the Divine? Break bread with? Who would I sing with? Besides of course just singing to my cat?
Slowly and surely over the years, I have felt pulled to be a part of this congregation. And now, I am answering the call that my own spiritual life has been turning me toward, which is toward this community, as a member instead of as a staff member.
Any major life change can bring paradox into heartbreaking clarity. When I was on maternity leave this summer, I tuned into zoom church at First Universalist every Sunday morning. It was a relief and a balm to my sleep-deprived brain and body to be able to just receive. To sing along with you all, and now with my sweet son nestled in my arms. (He loves Woyaya!) And certainly, having a kid intensified my desire to find a spiritual home and community for him and us. But I, as an individual, need spiritual community in my own right. I want to set my son up for a lifetime of spiritual health, groundedness, joy, challenge, and friendship, as well, should he choose it. If I want that for him, I get to want it for me, too. We all do! I have found bittersweet clarity in the truth that, if I am going to come to First Universalist Church with my family, I need to leave employment at First U, as well. I have explored other work and congregations here and there for quite a while. And now, I’ve found new work in town that feels like a good match and with good growth in store for me, as well.
This isn’t a goodbye; It’s an I’ll see you in the pews. I will lay low for a while to just be in the space between what was and what will be. (God is in space, as GTR teaches us.) You may see me and my family in worship, and probably not much more than that until after some months of quietude and settling in. I look forward, First Universalist, to sharing meals and dishwashing duty, circles, stories, resources, and being in a new covenant- new relationship- and doing the holy work of weaving ourselves into community, as members. (And I’ll finally get to take the membership class!).